Literary Works by Parents and Friends

The Four-Legged Stool of Parent support
Submitted by by Philip Eller
March 31, 2004

Those of us in the dairy country of New Hampshire and Vermont know that a three-legged stool is great to sit on when milking a cow, but a four-legged stool provides the greatest support and safety for standing on. A parent to parent match provides an unique but essential ingredient of the support needed for a family when they have a children with a special need. It is "the fourth" leg of the support stool. The first leg -medical/professional intervention is obviously needed. So is the second leg - support of family members and close friends. And usually supports are necessary from social service and/or educational agencies - the third leg. But, the unique assistance provided by other parents "who have been there" is often overlooked, or even unknown or considered when parents are given a devastating diagnosis about their child. And without this fourth leg of support, the "stool" of support is not complete - and in fact, can remain "rather tipsy" without it. Only another parent who has been through the same or similar ordeal and journey can fully appreciate a "new" parent's feelings, questions, and needs. Thus, this supporting or veteran parent can provide unique insights and answer the special questions and concerns of the parent new to this challenging journey. The supporting parent addresses the nitty-gritty issues of raising a child with special needs-- those still to deal with when all the professionals and all the family members and friends have gone home.

Please keep in mind this model of support and its four legs when you are interacting with a family that is caring for a child with special needs, and refer them to your local parent to parent organization for this unique and essential "fourth leg" of support. And, of course, the fourth leg of support includes the many support groups that are available to parents of children with all kinds of special needs.

Philip Eller
Coordinator
Parent to Parent of New Hampshire